If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
