with your own penis?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
