Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
