It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The adults are the big ones right?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
