FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
