Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
