I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I look better un-naked...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
