If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
