sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize