I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
you made out with another girl for some wings
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
