Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize