Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize