Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize