i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
