grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
