I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A+ Viking dick
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
