Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
