dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
