I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
