i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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