I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
