Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
is wine microwaveable?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
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