I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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