Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
