It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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