I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
