FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
