Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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