it was like his penis was on wheels.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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