Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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