i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize