Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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