false alarm. still invincible.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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