im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize