we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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