I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
