you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
