the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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