I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
