You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize