we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
