I wish my penis had an off switch
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
