I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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