So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
