Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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