He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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