Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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