Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
