That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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