you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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