Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize