Well apparently he's into motor boating.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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