I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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