he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My pussy is not your playground.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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