What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
