Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize