never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
