My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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