he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
