I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
