We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
