I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All the doctor said was why
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize