I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
