you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
