I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize