Do you still have your period?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize