Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize