I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize