So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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